I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
