uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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