that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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