He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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