girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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