So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
