Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
