I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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