I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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