Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
