i permit you to call me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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