We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
