OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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