I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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