walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
