A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize