I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
