Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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