so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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