i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
