Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hippo gnu deer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
