I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
