I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
