Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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