Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
