just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
