____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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