My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
