I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
