My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Say something about gay babies.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
