Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
