I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What a dumb baby whore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
