A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
