guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
