I've blown a few things in my day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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