We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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