Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
