I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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