winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
