I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
