i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
