dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
