im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need a burrito and a hug.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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