Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
