just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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