Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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