apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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