Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
