Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
