This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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