i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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