Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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