Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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