At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize