Dual....:-)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
