When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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