Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
