whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
