i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
