Non-Jews are for practice
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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