70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
